Remembering Mom

Tomorrow it will be 18 years since my mama went to be with Jesus. I can't believe it has been so long but even time never fully fills the whole for a Mama's Love.
My mom was a pretty amazing lady! Mary Elizabeth Doster Damon, she was an English teacher who loved kids that the rest of the world gave up on. She loved doing crafts, sewing, football, poetry, art of all kinds, her family, gummy worms, chocolate malts ( like nobody 's business), her kids, her Bible and most of all Jesus! My mom would give you the shirt off her back and there were many times I would come home and she had given something away of mine that someone needed. My friends loved my mom and and they were often there with her when I wasn't even home.
One of my favorite birthdays I ever had was that my mom took me to some garage sells and bought all these baby clothes and things for my doll. ( I loved my doll )
Another memory I have is when my little friend and I ( 3rd grade ??) stole money from my friends grandmother and of course we were clean cold busted! I remember feeling so utterly ashamed of what I had done and I remember that I cried a lot because of the shame. That night my mom made me a special dinner that I loved. I didn't deserve her love and forgiveness that night but yet she set a table for me. This is what God does for us in Christ! We do not deserve His love and forgiveness but he gives it to us and offers us a feast!
My mom loved Jesus and I would often come into her room and she would have her Bible out and she would sing......Soon and very soon we are going to see the King!
My mom was a broken women who struggled through this life and there were times that were very painful and hard but in remembering her tonight, I remember and honor even the pain and joy of our life together.
I miss her not just on holiday's and birthdays but on those days that you just want the love only a mother can touch. I have to trust Jesus fuller and deeper on those days.
My joy is that one day I will see her again in a glorified body and I will Jesus and He will wipe away every tear!
I long for that day and soon and very soon we will see our King!
All Glory and Praise to Him!!!

Refer back to older post

Today, I feel the same as the post: "On the outside looking in." This seems to be my theme lately.

What do donkeys do in Middle TN?

So, I have the privilege of working with alcoholics and addicts and I often get to take them to an AA meeting. Picture this: Me, a 18 passenger van and a van full of wonderful recovering addicts in rehab! It is so fun! We are not allowed to listen to the radio so we must entertain ourselves and I have to say this is when you have to think fast so we do not get on the topic," When I was high......"
So, we pass this empty pasture and there are always a couple of donkeys hanging out. I asked the ladies what do donkey's do here in middle TN. We spent the drive thinking of many things a donkey could possible do in this day in age and in the middle of Nashville. It is fun to make them laugh. They spend most days crying and a good laugh can heal a hurting heart. I love these women! They inspire me continue to move forward on the days I can't stop crying. They come in all shapes, colors, and age but their desire to want something better is the same.
When we returned back to rehab I googled " What do donkeys do?" The results were that they are great companions and they protect sheep. I thought since maybe I can' t get a date, I should look into getting a donkey. I could be the first in East Nashville to have one. I could even write a song about it. ( more to come ) Today, I feel like a squirrel and that is OK!
P.S. This blog does not have to make sense.

Obedience

When I was a kid I always resisted authority. Does every kid resist authority? I don't remember having a lot of rules except that we had to clean the house before mom got home from work. I made the rules growing up and as a result I did not like those who were put in authority. Either I deeply wanted their approval and when I did not get it, I would raise my fist to the rules. Because I continued to rebel and not obey. I would cause havoc and discourse for myself and all involved.
When I became a christian Christian God broke through to my rebellious heart and gave me a new heart. As a follower of Jesus you want to obey because it brings about a freedom that you can't explain. My heart at many times has turned hard and my disobedience brought about bondage but God is rich in his pursuit. It's like an arm wrestling match you have no chance to win. He always leads us to to obey because He can be trusted. Maybe as a kid I felt I had no place to trust. I want God to be pleased with me. I want him to say good and faithful servant but the fact is that on my best days I utterly fail at obedience to the Lord.
There is one who obeyed His whole life. He never rebelled against His Father because His Father was trustworthy. I can fall on Him the perfect child, son, friend......Jesus!
Jesus is the one I can look at and say because you obeyed, the Father loves me and is completely pleased with me. I can relax and trust. God's word says to repent and believe the gospel. He calls me to do this daily and the hardest part of all it is to believe. I see my sin and it is so gross and I am so ashamed when I see my heart and how it causes other people pain. My call to obedience is to believe what Jesus did is true and fall upon Him and receive the freedom I first experienced when I met him years ago.

The Heart is Deceitful Above All Else

I woke up this morning from a dream that mad my heart sad. The theme of my dream was rejection and when I woke all the feelings of the hope of yesterday were gone. How do I enter today know that I am always wanted by God? It is the tention

On The Outside Looking IN

Waiting to belong
Waiting and longing to be ok.
The ones around me have their place
Friendships, belongings, talent, acceptance from others.
I feel I am on the outside looking in
Looking to find my place in the circle
Looking to be rejoiced over.
Maybe I am not rejoiceable
That is what I hear
Leave, nobody really cares anyway
The tears always are coming
Grief, tears
Will this be my food?
Jesus,bread of life
Living water
Fill my cup

Waiting For The Best

Yesterday I went down to the Franklin main Street Festival. The day was beautiful and I was with one of my favorite friends and we had high hopes for the day. One the way down to the festival we talked of our great and healthy dinner we would prepare after we left Franklin. Grilled salmon, veggies, and a crispy salad we proclaimed!! The moment I started to walk around the festival I was eyeing the funnel cakes and Philly cheeses steaks that seemed like the better route to go. I said to my friend " this calls for a money withdrawal." We headed up the street to the ATM and I had my heart set on barbecue at this point. I withdrew my money and headed off to get my juicy sandwich from my barbecue vendor. We got to the stand and they had sample plates in which you could choose. None of the choices looked too hot and it looked like bad prison food. With great disappointment and encouragement from my friend I moved on to search for something better. We walked along the way looking for the one thing that we could fill our hearts desire. A few minutes later I spotted another barbecue vendor and I was elated! Dreams do come true!!! I got my sandwich and it was the best barbecue I have eaten.It was worth the wait!!
I often do this in my own life with other things. I say to God I want this and I want it now and I am not willing to wait out for the best. I cash in at the first vendor I see, when God says to me He has a better thing around the corner for me. I live as though He is withholding from me. I live like an orphan with no father. I do not believe He has the best for me.
I had no idea that there would be a better sandwich waiting for me but there was and it was so worth waiting for. Now, I just have to trust that He has this in all areas of my life. He delights to give me the best and I know it is worth waiting for!!